@11:39 AM
When i was young, Grandma was the one who looked after me and sis when dad and mum was out at work.
She would cook for us, coax us to eat, feed us personally when we refused to eat and follow us with the bowl in her hands as we run about everywhere around the house.
She'll tell us to go and bathe, clean us up and even stayed outside the toilet to accompany us when we were shitting cos we didnt dare to stay in the toilet alone.
She makes sure we sleep cosily and peacefully before she gets her rest.
When dad and mum scolded us, she'll defend us and protect us from the scary canes.
When sis and i quarrelled, she'll play the mediator and reconcile us.
She knew she couldn't speak chinese properly so she tried very hard to learn chinese from us. When we wanted to learn hainanese, she taught us patiently. I've never felt that i couldn't communicate with her when all my older cousins felt it was difficult to talk to her.
Not once did she raise her voice at us. Not once did she hit us.
All i remembered from my younger days was her unconditional love, immense patience and overwhelming care.
Then, i grew older and she stayed over at my place less frequently. Everytime she leave my house, i would feel very sad and wished that she'd come back soon. As the amount of time she spent at my house gets lesser, the less sad i felt. Eventually, she no longer stays at my house. We no longer talk as much and we were not as close as before. To sum it up, we drifted apart.
In sec school, she fell sick and mum wanted her to stay at our house so she could take care of grandma. She continued to take care of me just as how she took care of me when i was younger. But this time, it was different. I found her to be very naggy, and i secretly wished she would stop asking me so many qns. I didnt take the initiative to talk to her like i used to.
Then, mum decided to sell grandma's house and let her stay with us for long term. I was in JC. Everytime i wanted to go out, i would try to do it quietly lest she start nagging at me again. Everytime i came back home, i would try to avoid her in case she start to talk about unrelated and repeated things again. My answers to her became shorter and shorter, and sometimes, even in an irritated tone.
Sometimes at night, i would turn to my side and look at my grandma sleeping beside me. I realised that she looked different. She's much older, haggard, weaker. She's no longer the same grandma that can look after me and sis energetically. I began to realise i haven been noticing her, talking to her, and taking care of her just like how she took care of me. But when i woke up the next morning, nothing changed. She continued to care for me, i continued to ignore.
I went on to university and moved out. On weekends when i return home, grandma always ask a lot of qns and say a lot of things which i dont understand and dont bother to. I always try to talk to her for awhile and when i felt that the conversation was going nowhere, i'll end with an "orh, i'm going to bathe."
She's very old now and there are certain things she shouldn't do and should just leave it to us. Sometimes when i see her doing some chores, i would get pissed off and tell her to leave it to me or mum. One reason is becos her movements are no longer as flexible, another is becos she'll end up making things worse. But i noe that after i leave the kitchen, she'll start finding things to do again. And thats because she's lonely and has nothing to do. We can't expect her to sit all day and daze.
Deep inside, i know i shouldn't be treating her that way. I knew i had to do something about it. Sometimes, i would tell mum how i feel that i wasnt talking much to grandma and i didnt know how to communicate with her. Mum told me to keep trying. Weekends after weekends, nothing much changed. I'm angry with mysef for not knowing what to do. Weekends after wekends, i would ponder over the same thing.
When i went to wee keat's house, i see how he can communicate with his grandma with ease and i feel very envious. When jieying told me how she was very close with her grandma, i desperately want to be like her too.
Honestly, i'm very scared. Grandma's very old now and we never know when that day will come. At first i was worried but wasn't really bothered by it very much....Until that day i went to Jieying's grandma wake. I'm seriously very very scared. Now grandma's okay, but who knows when something unfortunate will happen.
It has been a long time since i made her smile. It has been a long time since i had a meal with her. It has been a long long time since i gave her a peek on the cheeks.
I dun wan to regret not cherishing her when she is healthy now. I dun wan to feel remorseful in future for not doing things that i could have done now.
People always advocate "Cherish your loved ones before they're gone." How many are only good at saying it rather than doing it?
After this post, i wonder if anything will change come this weekend?
{
until tomorrow}
@1:29 AM
i'm home!!! =Dfinally after a week of waiting, i can finally count my hong bao money!! hehehe...10 bucks 20 30...100 200..... LOL! shhhhh................. =XAnyway, cny was fun for me. enjoyed the 3Gs - gathering, gluttoning, gambling!had 3 steamboats and lao 3 yu shengs. plus, the 3 babies!!! they're so cute!! (when they keep quiet and sit still...LOL)
wednesday went out with senses minus adora. omggg i LOVE azabu sabo!!!!! girls, remember to stick to our list okay??? i always enjoy going out with you all! =Dvday <3 <3 <3 thanks dear for taking the time out to meet me. really appreciated it =)
*************************
CNY pics!!!
she's super adorable right???
met her at a relative house on day 1 but she's not related to me. she's only a few months old.
and she's not afraid of strangers. she lets everyone carry her and wont cry!!
sis and me!
cny day 2. second time i meet my baby niece. she looks like a boy!
this one i buay tahan. she only allows her dad n mum to carry her and cries INSTANTLY when others carry her. its quite rare to see her smiling below, but i still like her cos she's my niece! =)
on day 4, i went to qq's house with anouka and saw his niece, Zoe. look how adorable she is when she smiles!
jieying is damn good with babies. she kept making Zoe smile.
okay, i suck at handling babies. i dunno why, but halfway while playing with her, she started to weep and almost cried. LOL! it wasn't me!
yx playing with zoe while ter disturb her. ade was busy entertaining Dylan, qq's nephew, who speaked with an american accent. so cool...
the guys having their men's talk while the girls looked afer babies. LOL.
anyway, i miss GIRL GIRL and NINI !!!!!!!! yinxue, when can i play with your doggies again???
{
until tomorrow}
@11:46 AM
All along i've never been fond of eating CNY goodies (except for pineapple tarts) and i always hate it when mum over-buys them cos they usually end up going into the bin weeks after cny.but for the first time in many years, CNY GOODIES ROCK!i have no idea why but suddenly they just look so appealing and tasty.they rock my socks, my stockings, my leggings, my dresses, my bags (and the ang paos in it), my fats and the mao on my arms.omg more more MORE pls!!!lol. i guess i'll be a happy and content girl this cny during house-visitings =Don a much HAPPIER note, i just found my new love!XOXO, Julie's Love Letter Strawberry Wafer SticksBig BIG HEARTS to siyi who intro-ed it to me. its freaking nice i tell you, i can't stop once i start eating. its a must-have in every single room or else your hall life will rot and decompose until maggots start crawling all over you and you start to disintegrate and your body smells like 1 billion landfills combined together.=D go buy it okay? even if you dont live in hall, it will make your life much happier!HAPPY LUNAR NEW YR EVERYONE!eat more, play more, visit more, wish more and collect more ang paos.
{
until tomorrow}
@2:32 AM
I'm joining Cheerobics 2008. it was an on-the-spot decision i made on tuesday's Spectrum meeting. ever since HO, it has been an internal struggle with myself regarding joining Cheerobics. now, since i made that decision, i'll have to give it my best shot and train hard and smart. sirong and i decided to form a study group, so we wont neglect our studies amidst all the trainings. yay! =Dfast forwards 2 days later to thursday.
thursday was supposed to be my wake-up-late day cos finally my 8.30 a.m days are over. so cool right, monday to wednesday all 8.30 a.m. lessons. biologists need to start using their brains early in the morning. lol.
ok. back to thursday.
thursday i had to work up early cos i went for a work assignment with Spectrum members - Ade, Regine, Ning, Uncle, Chuan Yan and Kian wei. We were supposed to welcome the GOH when he arrive at the event, act high, smile, wave poms poms (ohshit nv take pics with poms poms. LOL) and do a simple cheer. it was at Capital Tower at Tanjong Pagar, for some Bid for Youth Olyumpics thing. quite a boring and short event but who cares, its only 2 hrs and the money is good. best thing is i dun hv to skip any lesson. i even reach hall in time to complete my lab report and go for lab session. haha!
after lab, i rushed back to hall, changed, put down my bag and went to meet the rest for Hall 13 CNY dinner. it was a steamboat dinner at Bugis. they chartered a bus for us to and fro bugis. so considerate of the jcrc!! =D and the steamboat is cheap cheap too! 8 bucks only! cos the jcrc subsidised part of the price. hee. anyway the steamboat is good, cos got golden mushrooms and nice meatballs!!! plus it was fun watching uncle drink the ma la soup and saying "relax!" with a super miserable face. hahaha... that night i ate alot alot alot. and i mean ALOT. really ALOT. A-L-O-T.
that night was also the night i heard about the leakage of edison chen's ahem photos with countless girls. it was during the bus journey back to hall that uncle lawrence told us. omg i cant believe edison would do such a thing!! he's super super shuai lor! i mean he still is after this incident la but just that his image is totally cui now. and i cant believe uncle lawrence, qq and ter treat him as their idol. just wanna slap them. lol...
i guess the person who leaked the photos is just plain rude and evil. i mean, about 99% of his private life is already so publicised and now the only 1% of the most most most private aspect of his private life, which is his sex life, is also a public news now. its damn poor thing lor. i admit his fetish of taking such photos is really strange la but don't have to circulate his pics right?
anyway to whoever who wanna follow in edison's footsteps, please reconsider cos its damn easy to hack into a computer nowadays. just keep those 'memories' in your heart. lol...
saturday was Hall 13 Charity Event. I've been praying and hoping that it will come soon and when it really came, i kept praying and hoping that nothing goes wrong and it will end fast. everything was a success =D We collaborated with Children's Society to organise a one-day camp for the kids in NTU and hall 13. its really very happy and satisfying when i see all the smiles on their faces. it was especially touching to see how they transit from rejecting us at the start to not wanting to leave hall 13 when the camp ended.
the boy on the right (shortest) is my personal favourite! he's uber cute!
they were all super interested in my laptop and some kept changing the song that was playing. i was very worried that they will destroy Jinx but turns out that they can use the computer quite well. when i showed them my webcam, they got super excited and kept taking pics until i had to ask them to go join their group. 
thats Ashley! our Chairman for this event. it was great working with her :)
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
.3rd February 2008.
Happy 1 year anniversary, Dear!
I love you.
Thanks for all that you have done, or have not done, all this while.
.muacks.
{
until tomorrow}
